I Have Genital Herpes And Need Dating Advice!?
i was just diagnosed with genital herpes a few months ago and just started dating someone who doesn’t know i have it (nor did i get it from her). i really like her a lot and as such don’t want to tell her i have herpes because i’m afraid of her freaking out and/or. we’ve been slowly becoming more and more intimate with eachother but haven’t had the type of sexual contact that could infect her. i don’t want to be that ***hole who gives chicks herpes without telling them. i have no idea when to bring it up or even how to tell her so she can decide if she wants to stay with me or not. any advice on how to do so?
Tags: dating with herpes, genital herpes advice, Genital Herpes dating advice, relationships with herpes Category: Dating Questions
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emt_me91 says:
July 19th, 2009 at 7:05 am
You need to be completely honest with her…BEFORE you engage in any sexual activity that could expose her to the virus.
Yes, it’s true that most people have the herpes virus. However, that is simplex 1 and there is a BIG difference between simplex 1 (oral, causes cold sores) and simplex 2 (genital, causes sores on the genitals). I have simplex 1…so does 90% of the population. I get cold sores on occasion.
Are you taking medication…such as Valtrex? This can reduce the severity and frequency of outbreaks but you can still transmit it. Talk to your doctor about what precautions you need to take. You will always have to use condoms…even for oral sex. You should not engage in sex if you have ANY signs or symptoms of an outbreak.
Once you tell her, she may decide that she doesn’t want to take the risk. It’s a chance you will have to take. She deserves your honesty. Any future sexual partner does. Tell her. I think she will respect you a whole lot more. Yes, you may lose her. At the same time, you will feel much better for your honesty.
There will also be somebody else out there.
hatchetm says:
July 19th, 2009 at 9:31 am
respect women or start to own up to being man enough to tell your woman that some beeach gave it to you…….if she loves you she will understand…..if she runs….she is not for you…enough said……i would love you…..if you were my guy….so there…..its not the end of the world…you don;t have aids
*******Very well said tash……i liked your information……I’m sorry you were a victim
catpoopm says:
July 19th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Put the Valtrex out on the nightstand next time she sleeps over.
Tash says:
July 19th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
FIRST OF ALL>>>>TO VICTORYFORTRUTH’S
You are very very silly!!!! Herpes does not “burn itself out”. It is a virus that remains in your system for life, and outbreaks can reoccur at anytim. “Minor inconvenience” heh? It is far more severe for wome than it is for men, much more painful and can occur every time they have a period. They have to have a C section if they have a baby, as the vrirus can infect the baby if born naturally and they can get a fatal brain infection.
So shut the hell up. You know NOTHING!
By the way this dumb*** also says “AIDS is a myth”.
To answer the question. I know how you feel. I have herpes and contracted it thru abuse.
You are obviously a very nice and decent guy. If she loves you, she will see past this problem.
How to tell her? There is no easy and simple solution. If I were you, I would take her out for coffee, or some other relaxed outing. Tell her that you once had a partner that you trusted and had faith in. Unbeknown to you, your partner was keeping a secret from you and betrayed your trust. Her secret was that she had herpes and by the time you found out, it was too late. It wont be easy, but make it clear you want to be honest with her, you dont want to betray her because you respect her and care for her.
If she cares about you and is deserving of you, she will understand that you have done the right thing and she will appreciate your respect and honesty.
When correct precautions are taken, herpes does not have to interfer with you sex life. Condoms are a must if you touch her with you penis or penetrate her. Condoms are needed if she gives you oral sex and a dental dam might be used too.
This is not your fault, you are doing the right thing. Most guys wouldnt give a stuff…you are gem!
Loon-A-T says:
July 19th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
i have HPV and feel the same way- how do i tell my boyfriends that i have this? it is so common, yet hearing about an STD freaks out some people.
if you’ve been seeing each other and haven’t done the deed, wait until you think you can trust her, and tell her just that you found out you have herpes. make sure you know all you can about the virus so you can answer her questions if she has any. you can tell her (if this is true, i don’t have herpes and don’t know) that if you always use condoms you reduce your risk and so on. she may not want to see you anymore, but look at it this way- it is a screening tool to screen people who are unworthy of you anyway. someone who really cares for you won’t let it get in the way of intimacy. they’ll just be careful and use common sense to deal with it.
pops1955 says:
July 19th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
she cant catch the herps if you wear a condom wait until you feel comfortable about it
Frank the Frowner : ( says:
July 19th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
After months of doin her, say hey babe I got the hiv
victoryf says:
July 20th, 2009 at 1:27 am
Almost everyone has the Herpes virus and in many cases it does not ever cause Herpes and in those it does it usually burns itself out fairly quickly.
I would not concern yourself with it but perhaps avoid intercourse during outbreaks.
Herpes is just another form of cold sores and is a minor nuisance at worst.
Get on with enjoying life and love.
You only live once!
You are making a mountain out of a very small mole hill…..believe me I know.
P. S. Don’t believe the utter B. S. about condoms being protection against Herpes. They are not and can cause so many real and serious problems due to the toxins and carcinogens used in their manufacture. The Pill is the way to go.