Dating Advice? Guys Who Have Been In Love Please Answer…?
Well my boyfriend and I have been going out for 7 almost 8 months. We were sooooo in love with each other he used to tell me every night how much he’d love me and hoe he always would no matter what, how perfect and amazing I was, and promised that’d he never leave me etc. We were very serious sexually involved, and I truly fell in love with him. He even made plans with me for the future. Recently he said that he loves me but not like he used to, and that he’s not always going to be here. He said that he doesn’t think he’ll ever love me like he used to because there’s too much “damage”. I don’t understand how he can just say all those things and promise them and not mean it again, and how he can just stop loving me. I tried to let him go, but he said that maybe we just needed a break. He couldn’t even kiss me, we talked more, and he started to cry(this was very unexpected, he’s not a guy that I would think of doing this) and then they way he held me and everything it was just like how it used to be and he kissed me and it was perfect. The nxt day he asked if during our time off if we would see other people and this just killed me. I know I can’;t make him love me, and I know it sounds like we should break up, but is there any positive advice anyone has, something that could maybe show him that nothing has changed?
I know i’m scared to lose him, but please don’t be negative about this, my boyfriend and I have gone through a lot together, that most people couldn’t even understand.
Ben says:
February 2nd, 2010 at 5:02 am
Ah, that whole “I love you, but I’m no longer in love with you” thing. Congratulations! Your relationship has moved from the initial stage of love (infatuation) to the second stage of love (post-rapture). It usually hits between 6 months up to 2 years. One of the various effects of the infatuation stage of love is your body creating this chemical called PED. Think of it as a drug that makes you heads over heels for someone. When you switch from the infatuation stage to the post-rapture stage, your body stops creating this drug and that’s where that whole feeling of being head over heels goes away. Your boyfriend needs to realize he still loves you and that’s all that matters for a relationship. Long-term relationships aren’t the amazing fuzzy feeling of puppy love forever and he just needs to understand that.
amvpuax says:
February 2nd, 2010 at 5:14 am
Im sorry to say, but this is natural. The “in love” euphoria usually ends after between 3 months to 2 years, and it goes from being madly in love, to being in love madly.
If you really want a great explanation, there are books that will answer every question, but fundamentally will say the same thing.
Raunak says:
February 2nd, 2010 at 12:09 pm
Talk to him what makes him cry? Break this problem into pieces and you will solve it.
Gemma T says:
February 2nd, 2010 at 3:16 pm
Sorry but he has got bored of the relationship and wants to have sex with other girls while still having you on standby. When you are still young this happens, it happened with me after having been with the same guy for 6 years. After only 8 months you are in trouble because believe me your relationship is very unlikely to recover and you haven’t been together long enough to try and save it. So sorry, I know it hurts but it will get better and you will meet someone else who won’t leave you hanging around like this.
Cory says:
February 2nd, 2010 at 6:38 pm
As beautiful as this may appear to have been, alas life’s cruelty has reached in between you two. Love is a fickle thing, not nearly as solid as some would think. What you are seeing is young love turn old. It hurts. My God it hurts so much, but it is what it is. And as life continues on, you must keep up with it. Cherish the memories of this experience and in your heart thank him for such a wonderful time. Though there were harsh times, you made it through. But, unfortunately, there is an end to all things. Your ending is abruptly so short.
But why? How could you share the same loving path with a separate human being only for it to be ripped from your grip? WHy must you go through 7 months of awesomeness, only to end in such a sad way? Perhaps, my friend, you went through all of this to learn things about people, about yourself, about relationships. Perhaps this was to prepare you for something later in life. The lessons you learned, the time you put into this all account for something.
Better to have lost love than to never have loved at all.
Things will get better, you will go forth with your life. You will meet new people, experience new things, and live again. Do not let this bring you down, do not let it bind you to the past lest you miss the beautiful future. Reach out to the gifts that life presents to you every so often. Take risks. Love again.
sunshine says:
February 2nd, 2010 at 11:47 pm
i have no clue whether my suggestion will be of any help.. but i;ll still try…
my bf’s name is Jaime.. so it sounds similar to urs… i guess so…
well in ur case i wud suggest u to be frndly with him and let go… if he is really for u and with time he would realise the same…
do not be disheartened….. giv him some time and space….
Trucky says:
February 3rd, 2010 at 6:00 am
Somehow I feel that you are both very young. Probably underage !
Big love and sweet words of desires before sex is common. What is also very common, once you had sex, love suddently doesn’t seem to be the same. Young people cannot make love. They have sex, nothing more.
So, basically you learned to keep your legs close until you are old and mature enough to have sex in a way that means something, properly making love.
I believe, he does not want to leave you altogether but he is hidding the fact he is chasing someone else already.
It's a giirl t says:
February 3rd, 2010 at 9:00 am
I think everyone has this problem at some point in a relationship.
In the NICEST way possible.
He might be bored.
NOT of you, but of the same old same old.
You have been going out for so long, maybe you need to spice things up abit.
Bring him round yours and play a little, you know what guys are like.
They like action.
I hope it helps. x
Woods says:
February 3rd, 2010 at 2:31 pm
I’m sure you have been through a lot together but can you really say that what you two have/had together will bond you together for years to come? As other people have mentioned, most people will fall out of love with someone they once loved more than anything else in the world. It’s a hard fact to come to terms with and it sucks going from a comfortable coupling back to solo life. Unfortunately it’s not usually a mutual feeling; one person senses change and acts on it whilst the other person tries their best to re-capture what you once had together.
It’s best not to rely on other people, no matter how close you become, to be the source of your content.
If this really turns out to be the end of the road for the two of you then getting over each other will be tough. Just remember that most of us have or will experience the same pain someday. Many facts of life are related to love, both good and bad.
‘A heart that hurts is a heart that works’
olewiseo says:
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:19 pm
Well he cheated on you and his self ,and he knows he did wrong ,and cannot be honest with you or himself ,He has to live with the results of his choices, as we all do .
You lived and loved ,yes it hurts to be betrayed, and by some one you trusted respected and love.One day he will learn he has been fooled by his own lust, and stupidity .
Take it as a life lesson, all that seems to be is not always as it seems . don’t look back so much let me leave you with this,
You can’t live yesterday ,time took it away
You can’t live tomorrow ,for tomorrow may never be.
Today is the present ,A gift God has given thee .