Questions
How to Get a Girlfriend Questions
Please put any and all questions or success stories here so that others can benifit from them as well.
How to get a girlfriend
Who doesn’t want a girlfriend?
Please put any and all questions or success stories here so that others can benifit from them as well.
ItsCameron9 says:
June 18th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
i? have a question….i have a close friend that I would lke to becom cloder with I was wondering how yo aproach and ask 4 example: what can i say?
Doctor Tom Love says:
June 18th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
This is copied from the youtube page because they wouldn’t let me write all that I wanted to write.
Well that depends on a lot of things. 1) What both your ages are. 2) What type of things do you do together. and 3) How close you really are.
If I was in that situation, and I have been, I would go hiking or? something with the girl make sure it was a one on one thing. Then I would get to goofing place with her and I would, while she is laughing and having a blast, say “you know you and I would be an awesome couple” make sure you make it as a statement. See how she reacts and act accordingly.
If she says “eww gross” or “no way” then you can retort “you know I was just kidding but now that you are basically calling me repulsive I don’t think its such a bad idea, I mean come on we get along famously and worst case scenario it would make our friendship even stronger.”
YOU must make it clear that the friendship will always be there because girls are terrified that they will lose a friend.
A major problem you may run into is they also like being able to talk to you about boys and stuff and that obviously would have to stop. That is why I try never to put myself in that position. From what I have seen when a girl considers you a friend or good friend and she doesn’t OBVIOUSLY have a crush on you, and you would know, it is very difficult to change her mind on this. But keep it light and worst case scenario you can keep planting those seeds in her head in a joking manner and then you guys will probably hook up some time or end up dating cause eventually she will be like why the heck not.
If there is a girl I like I generally would rather have her hate me then think of me as her best friend. At least hate there is passion and can often times lead to crazy hookups but being the nice guy is the kiss of death I am afraid.
Doesn’t mean it can’t work it is just a lot harder.
wowholycrapppp says:
June 19th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
hey i have this girl that i like the thing is that i like her and i think she likes me but i dont know for sure it seem like that she is flirting with me i feel comfortable around her and she feel comfortable around me too.
she ask me question when i c her like o y do this guy i know talk about thing on aim and txt messaging but not when he see me
i think thats me but i dont know
what should i do help plssss
wowholycrapppp says:
June 19th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
ohh and pls if your going to reply send to my email adress =]
& i had a mix up in the email adress so please if your sending send to barrykicksyou@aol.com
how to get a girlfriend says:
June 22nd, 2009 at 2:43 pm
wowholycrapppp not really sure I understand your question. If you question is that this girl is asking you why this guy is talking about things on IM and Txt but not in person just ask her “hey are you talking about me.” Keep it light though. Communication is always the answer
annonamus says:
June 22nd, 2009 at 3:06 pm
dude honestly, i was so bored when i started watching your vid. but, you really made alot of sence to me. I dont want to sound like a fat nerd with no friends and stuff like that, but i have never really had a gf or nothing like that. I just cant ever make the first move you know? I hunt and stuff like that, how am i suppose to meet girls, in the woods? ha ha. Idk dude im 16 with nothing and no one in my life, plus i dont really ever do anything. Im kinda trying to be more ‘active’ at being social but im not good at picking good friends ha ha. Well, sorry i wrote so much, i just have never told any one. And if you have any advice, id like to hear it
How to get a girlfriend says:
June 22nd, 2009 at 3:07 pm
If you live in the woods its gonna be tougher. Try and find other things you enjoy other then hunting. Things that are more social. Maybe get into a co-ed bowling league with people your age. Talk to friends and ask them if they are in any groups or clubs. Go to the local YMCA and see if they have groups for people in your age group. Go to craigslist. Try out different clubs and groups, get involved with clubs and groups in school, once you start down this path you will realize how easy it is. And don’t be bashful around a cute girl she will smell your fear just treat her like everyone else that will make her want you more because she is used to being treated special.
Dr. Tom Love
How to ask a girl out you tube blog says:
June 23rd, 2009 at 4:33 pm
(This is copied from a You tube blog cause they don’t let me write much stuff there)
mrmrman2
this one girl liked me before but then i said the wrong thing or idk and she hated then we became friends again and she told me that she wanted to be in my arms so i went along and did everything she wanted to but then a week later, after we havent talked out side of school like? texting, she tells her friends and i that she likes this other guy and now i am just completely un noticable in her eyes and we never talk. and i belive that she will be at this party later this week and idk Advice?
How to Kiss a Girl says:
June 23rd, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Well it sounds like you are in high school and again I couldn’t get girls in high school and there is quite a lot of differences mainly you both still live with you parents and there is a lot of hormonal stuff happening to both of you, depending on the age, and high school dating often has more to do with popularity then people really liking each other.
I think in this case the problem is you did everything she wanted. People like a challenge, in her brain, subconsciously, meaning she is probably totally unaware of why she acts the way she does, she feels that she could have you anytime she wants and now wants more of a challenge. She will probably end up liking or dating someone that completely ignores or makes fun of her on occasion and kinda treats her like one of the guys and if she asks him to do something, if he doesn’t want to do it or it doesn’t sound fun he will say no and this will turn her on because he is not some monkey that is at her beck and call, he treats her like everyone else or maybe a little worse and she is gonna try harder to get him to treat her better and like her more. (Think of Simon Cowell on American Idol he is mean right? Then why does everyone want him to like them more than the other judges? Well because they feel subconsciously that if someone who dislikes everyone else likes me then I really am special or better than everyone else.
Andrew says:
June 23rd, 2009 at 10:09 pm
hey, I met this girl at my work and I almost always say hi to her when I see her (which isn’t very much considering we hardly ever work the same days). A few months ago my co-workers said that she likes me and wants to talk to me but work is very busy all the time so at work I have no real oportunity to talk to her. A few more months have past and now it seems like she is no longer interested in me because we have never gotten into a conversation. she goes to a different high school than me and is a year older than me so I get really shy and nervous when I’m around her because I am very attractive to her. I am really starting to get mad at myself because time is passing and it seems like shes loosing interest and moving on to other guys. what should I do?
tomlove says:
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:44 pm
To be nervous around a girl, man I remember those days. It’s tough cause things seem like they are happening in slow motion and then if you do end up saying something it almost always comes out wrong. I promise with experience and confidence it does pass. You must remember that a girl wants a guy worse then we want a girl. They GENERALLY have a lot more insecurities then we do and therefore feel more of a need of companionship for validation sake.
Anyway enough with the Psychoanalysis if you really are that busy at work I suggest when you see her to ask her for her number because you have a question for her (or want to talk to her), but you are too busy to ask her at work. If she asks what it is about just tell her she will find out when you call her and give her a smile. EVERYONE LOVES a mystery! She is going to be so curious it will be driving her nuts. IF she says this and I doubt she will that she isn’t giving you her # till you tell her what its about then you reply “I guess you’re not gonna find out” smile or wink flirtatiously and then walk away. (Or something like I don’t remember but I’m sure if I had your number it would come back to me.) I think this is a good strategy for you because you are shy and then you don’t have to talk to her much. Now you can text her and texting is a lot easier. What I would do in my current shoes but not sure you will be able to pull it off if she makes you nervous I say “ hey (whatever her name is) I’m so bummed
work is so busy and we never get to talk you seem so cool, give me your number and I’ll take you out on a date this week.” I would take down her number and then get out of there before I messed it up. This strategy is AWESOME but if you aren’t super confident in the delivery its gonna bomb. Chicks dig confidence and if you have the balls to go up to a hot chick and say this and not sweat it she is gonna give you mad props even if she has a boyfriend she might consider it.
On text you can just ask her if she would like to get together. If she asks if it’s a date then reply “it depends on your answer;)” Meaning if she says yes then it’s a date and if she says no then it is just to hang out. Girls like funny guys so be funny if that’s your personality I get away with a lot because I am goofy. A lot of the stuff I pull out wouldn’t work for everyone.
The key is make it HAPPEN the more time that goes by the LESS and LESS chance you have of making something happen. That is why if I feel a connection with a girl I ask her out right away I don’t wait till were friends because once you a “friend” you chances of hooking up or dating are extremely less! Remember you are better off dating a girl that hates you then one that thinks you’re the nicest guy in the world. You know that phrase nice guys finish last well it’s a popular phrase for a reason, its true. Not saying make yourself a mean person but maybe just come off a little edgier then normal and then once she gets to see this mysterious tough side of you then she will see deep down you are a great person and then you fulfilled all those needs.
Contact Us | How to get a girlfriend says:
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:56 pm
[...] HomeAboutQuestionsHow to Ask a Girl Out Video « Sneaky Ways to Get your Ex Back [...]
How to Kiss a Girl YOU TUBE COMMENT says:
June 24th, 2009 at 1:44 am
hello i need some advice… i like this girl but i know she alreadly likes another guy but she said to her friend im cute but what am i supposed to do i’ve asked her to go out but she made up an excuse because shes crazy bout this other guy but? i dont want to give up help me!
tomlove says:
June 24th, 2009 at 1:47 am
Just tell her how it is. ex) I know you’re crazy about this other guy but if he liked you wouldn’t he have asked you out? And the bottom line is I think you’re cute you think I’ m cute who knows maybe we we’ll just hit it off but we wont know unless we try.”
OR and I like this better “So you’re telling me you and I might be soul mates but you are willing to not even find out if there is something between us because you have a crush on some guy who might not even like you? BE UBER confident on both these. Make a LOT of eye contact and don’t waver or show an ounce of weakness this is tough but KEY! Give it a shot whats the worst that can happen you get a little embarrassed and then the next time you do it you will be better at it. Practice makes perfect. The only way to be awesome with the girls is to try different techniques and strike out a few times. Don’t worry there are TONS of girls out there I promise, even if the one you think is the perfect one for you I promise you will feel that a ton more times in your life.
Andrew says:
June 25th, 2009 at 5:39 am
hey tom, thanks for the informative reply. I am probably going to use “ hey (whatever her name is) I’m so bummed
work is so busy and we never get to talk, give me your number and I’ll take you out on a date this week and we could get to know each other better.” The only thing is that Im worried about bringing the up the date right away. I don’t know her very well so I was thinking that after talking and texting for a while on the phone, then I would bring up the part about going on a date. But im not the expert..you are, so please give me your opinion on whether I should bring up at first, or after i get to know her a little better.
thanks
tomlove says:
June 29th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
I strongly suggest asking her for the date. The problem I have noticed from my wussy friends is they are wishy washy and when they get a girls number the girl is not sure if it is to be a friend or to go on a date. So there is automatically some tension based just on intention. Then if the girl thought it was to be as a friend and he thought it was to be a date… its just a mess.
Since I started being very clear about this with girls my success went through the roof. It does several things, 1) It SCREAMS I have confidence, when you not only assume she is going to give you her number but then you tell her that your also going to go on a date it makes the girl pretty damn wet. She thinks you are a F#(%ing man that takes control and makes $#!7 happen. I don’t think a girl has ever denied this request when I have used it. They might have been in shock and said excuse me and I replied, staring them in the eye, “I think your hot, so I want your number so we can go on a date this week.” Totally in control and slowly and they just don’t know what hit them.
The other thing it does is it puts them at ease because they know you like them this way they don’t have to wonder if you find them attractive or not and if you are interested in them and so they can have a lot more fun on the date. Just don’t go to a movie do something where you guys can talk, preferably an activity.
And let me know how it goes. Oh and if you like her and want to kiss her, do so in the middle of the date when she would least expect it, after your both laughing or just had a moment or something, for your sake don’t wait till the end it puts too much pressure on the end of the night, get it over with soon so that you don’t have to worry about how its gonna end.
anonomys says:
July 6th, 2009 at 3:27 am
omg tom thank you so much for the advice! I just got a date with the hottest girl iv ever seen. and also thanks to all the other people that posted advise too. you’ve been a huge help!
How to get a girlfriend says:
July 6th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
You are very welcome. Glad to help. If others have success stories or questions please post so that everyone can benifit.
John C says:
July 6th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
Hi Tom,
I am a photographer and I will be doing a photoshoot with a local model around the city of New Haven, CT.
I would like to ask this girl out.
Can you give me a few tips on the best way to ask her out from the time I meet with her to the time we part ways at the end of the photoshoot ?
One problem I have is that, I currently do not have a car. Will she care about that ?
Also, can you include some of the best places to take her on a first date.
John C says:
July 6th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
One more thing.
Is it considered too “high school” to ask a girl to a movie ?
I was just wondering because Im 25 years old, and I thought maybe 25 year olds may or may not go other places on first dates.
tomlove says:
July 7th, 2009 at 2:26 am
Alright man this is a very loaded question. You want to ask a girl out that you have a working relationship with. This is kinda tricky. I did it once with success but I felt like a duesch-bag because I was producing this independent film and she came in to audition. Not only did we not cast her but I called her of the sign in sheet to ask her out. I felt shady but I really liked her. We ended up becoming really good friends and still are.
Anyway to your dilemma. First of all you have to wait till the shoot is over, otherwise it could be awkward. I would kinda treat the shoot like a date. Be flirtatious with her if she gives it back to you. You’re a photographer so I’m sure you would say things like “wow that sexy” give me that “I’ve just been fuck’d hard look” or whatever you would normally say but make it a little more edgy then you normally would. If that stuff is creepy to you and your style don’t do it cause it will come off that way.
ALSO if you get the feeling that she is pulling away or not responding to you flirting then treat her how you treat all your other models.
You should have a good gauge if she likes you by the time you are done shooting. She probably will have a bit of a crush on you anyway because you are taking photos of her and want her to look as sexy as possible and probably thinks you can help her career, which is another issue but cross that bridge when you get there.
When its over say something to the effect like “This was the most fun shoot I ever had, give me you number I’ll take you on a date this week.” Be confident and just say it I know it seems forceful but girls admire confidence and balls and that has both. IF she says she has a BF I would say in a kinda playful matter “So what you’re saying is you and I might be soul mates but you can find out because you are seeing this guy you kinda like?”
See how she reacts. Its ballsy, it’s funny, its presumptuous and very charming. I’ve only said it once but I had that girl’s head spinning she didn’t know what hit her. Now I have to warn you this stuff is awesome but use it wisely. I only use that line on a girl I really think I could be okay with the fact that she broke up with her boyfriend for me. Usually I don’t care enough because there are so many girls out there I don’t want to be a home wrecker, but if I really like her and really feel a bond, sorry dude girls mine.
Okay in terms of places to go on a date NO MOVIE!!!!!! Seriously worst idea EVER. Best case scenario the movie is awesome and you both like it and might want to talk about it afterward. There are SOOOOOO many bad scenarios I am not going to get into it, just trust me on this one.
I recommend an activity. This keeps both of you engaged in the activity and then conversation happens naturally. My favorite date locations are bowling, rock climbing a picnic in a park or beach(bring some sport stuff like ball and gloves, football, soccer ball, and make games out of things like you did when you were a kid. I also like karaoke and billiards and darts but be careful bars can be loud and then you can’t talk and get to know each other. Also if you have a small digital camera take pics of everything or bring your photography camera but its probably a little too bulky. I have so much fun taking pics of my dates and the two of us together doing silly posses and jazz and they always get into it. Seen as you are a photographer you can even teach them about lighting and framing people like to learn. Grab them throw them on your lap and look through the pics together be playful. Touching is good and if you are teaching her how to frame then you can have her sitting on your lap. I think bowling might be really good for you. Don’t worry if you suck. Actually if you are really good I would bring it WAY down, it should be more of a goofy kinda date idea then a I AM AN AWESOME bowler idea. The worse the two of you are the better and then you can goof off and take pics doing crazy approaches and posses with the balls and throws between your legs and jazz.
And the car thing it sucks but tell her when you are texting her before you firm anything up make it playful. Ex) So I have a really manly question to ask you being the studly man that I am and all I was wondering if you would mind driving cause my loser ass doesn’t have a car right now:)
This should help, let me know how it goes. I would speculate you should be in good shape
Cruelendeavours says:
July 9th, 2009 at 2:58 am
Here’s the thing, I heed to the whole talking thing but here’s the problem. I’m not a talker and neither is she.
Here’s the situation.
We have a disturbing amount of hings in common, most of which I discussed with her.
I got her number.
I texted her an invite to a date.
She said? yes.
Where do I go from there?
tomlove says:
July 9th, 2009 at 3:10 am
Congrats the hard part is over. Now for the fun part. I am assuming you are over 21 if not this probably doesn’t apply because things r different when u r younger. Take her out to an activity ex) bowling, billiards, darts, indoor rock climbing. NO MOVIE! These activities will force conversation don’t think about it, it will happen naturally. Where r u from what do you like to do, what’s your favorite color, what do? you want to be? These are open ended questions LET HER do the talking the less you talk the better off you are! If you think the date went well and you did all the talking I can promise you she didn’t feel the same way. People love to talk it keeps them engaged and it builds your listening skills which will get you more women then you ever imagined plus you can then work on your eye contact skills and that will make her think you are confident.
You can bring a camera and do funny posses and stuff if your awesome at bowling I suggest you stop trying and have more fun spin around during the approach throw the ball between your legs HAVE FUN its not about bowling its about getting to know the person you are with. Bowl slow and take breaks with drinks and talking if the opportunity arrises. If you know you want to kiss her kiss her during one of these moments DO NOT wait till the end while it can still happen it usually is too awkward and one or both are tired and its not a good combo. If you know you want a kiss make the move in the middle when she doesn’t expect it! If she turns her head don’t let it shake you just try again. If her attitude changes and she is more stand off-ish then it wasn’t meant to be and have as much fun as possible. You can keep trying cause at this point if you weren’t going to get any being persistent might change that but going on another date with her is pretty much out of the picture unless you something changes, just don’t let this make you feel rejected feel more confident cause you know you NOW have nothing to lose and she is stuck with you til you take her home so HAVE FUN. Even if she is totally stand off-ish at least you are having fun so who cares and I wouldn’t bother calling her again. She might change her mind on you because then suddenly you became something she can’t have. I know its crazy but its simple psycology.
sumbrerudo says:
July 10th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Hi Tom, im a guy (dont wanna tell my age but lets say 13-15)
sorry for my bad english
and i started chatting with a girl some time ago and then i got her number after a few days, then we started textmessage ALOT. She seems to like me even though she doesnt know how i look (and im not the best looking guy *sigh*), i myself have seen pictures of her and really like her, and ive asked her if she wants to do something in the weekend, but the problem is i cant come up anything to do, Dont know if i would call it ‘A Date’ either. Any tips on how to do? Watched ur video and u said to keep it easy, thought about movie night or something but then you will mostly like end up just watching the movie instead of getting any real contact, would really appreciate if u answered soon
sumbrerudo says:
July 10th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
and also, i thought that u were suppose to talk alot and not as little as possible to get to know the girl?
rayray says:
July 13th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
I’ve had girlfriends and I’ve kissed but i haven’t had one for while and I can’t keep one for more than a few weeks.
Do you have any advice?
tomlove says:
July 13th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Sumbrerudo
Its tough for me to give advice to 13-15 year olds for several reasons 1) I couldn’t get girls when I was that age and 2)It’s not really my place to give advice to a minor in these regards for I don’t know how your parents want to deal with the dating aspect.
I will however, say this in terms of talking, you want them to do all the talking. You should ask open ended questions and say as little as possible, look them in the eye and listen to what they have to say. PEOPLE LOVE talking about themselves.
DO NOT go to a movie! I know its different when you are that age but going to a movie really is the worst idea for a date EVER. So many reasons I think I explained it up above or on the you tube page. Just take her for a walk around your block or where you and your guy friends hang out. Ideally you would do an activity (SEE ABOVE) and then you would naturally have a conversation out of the activity.
tomlove says:
July 13th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
RayRay
I am going to assume you are over 21 so my advice is based on that assumption and that is where I am an expert at. The odds are you are coming off too strong if the girls want to stop seeing you after a few weeks. You should make yourself a little less available. Only contact them after they contact you and don’t tell them how much you like them. If anything give off the impression that you think they are cool but you wouldn’t loose any sleep if you never saw them again. I think you will find that these girls magically start being more drawn towards you.
John C says:
July 14th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Hi Tom,
If a girl has a crush on a guy. Will that hurt my chances of successfully asking her out ?
Would she turn down every guy that asks her out because she’s hoping that the guy she has a crush on will eventually ask her out ?
Also, after how many dates would the movies be a good place to go ?
Thanks,
John
tomlove says:
July 21st, 2009 at 2:34 am
Yo John sorry about the delay. Answer as usual depends on the age. If you are out of college then no it will not hurt your chances unless she REALLY REALLY fancies this guy. You should still be able to sell her on the idea that a date never hurts she gets a free night out and gets to meet a cool dude and if she is lucky she will get laid.
In terms of the movie thing, I wait till its a done deal and she is mine if I still want her. There is no set amount more of a feeling thing. Once she really likes you or are boyfriend and girlfriend then movies are fine.
John C says:
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Hi Tom,
Thanks for responding to my last question. But, what can I do to make sure it’s a “done deal” ?
tomlove says:
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:26 pm
you will know. Relationships are like 2 balance scales. Everything is great when they are in the middle. The key to get a girl to fall in love with you and to know its a done deal is to have her scale a little lower but you must keep this in balance otherwise she will start driving you nuts.
In practical terms what this means is that once you are in a position where it is clear that she likes you more then you like her” and so far every relationship I have ever seen or been involved in someone always likes the other more” then its a done deal. Make sure SHE is calling you and or texting you more often then you are contacting her. As long as she definitely is contacting you more often you are in good shape except for the very beginning DON’T EVER be contacting her more then she is contacting you unless you want to push her away.
If she doesn’t respond as often as you like change your tactics because she isn’t that into you. Be more aggressive less aggressive this is the time to experiment what works for you because at this point she already has one foot out the door so you have nothing to lose.
chris says:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:50 am
hello, there is this girl that really likes me but i don’t really like her anymore, i really like her friend and we share the same interests but I don’t REALLY know her. I don’t see her a lot but i do talk to her occasionally and she told her friend that im cute and i really don’t know what to do i don’t wanna rush into it or anything please help.
tomlove says:
July 30th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
When you talk to her again tell how awesome it is that you guys have so much in common and that she should give you her number so that you can hang out more and get to know each other better.
You may have a problem though depending on your age and how good of friends the two girls are and how much the one that likes you really likes you. Because if she is obsessed with you her friend, the one you like, most likely will never let her think about you that way so that she doesn’t hurt her friend.
Chris says:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
but im kind of nervous when i talk to her because i don’t wanna say the wrong thing. How will i know that im saying the right thing?
tomlove says:
July 31st, 2009 at 8:44 pm
By doing it over and over again. Brett Farve was not born as the best quarterback in the world! You HAVE to go out there and try and experiment! The reason I am know so much about dating is because I have dated hundreds of girls. I have been rejected by hundreds of girls, girls I liked, girls I “loved”, girls I wanted to bang. It’s like everything in life PRACTICE makes perfect.
There are SO many girls out there in the world don’t worry about screwing it up with ONE girl, there’s MILLIONS. And don’t give me that “I like this one, I don’t want to screw it up with her” TRUST me you will like loads of girls that much and more. If you really like that girl that much then ask out girls you don’t like as much until you build up the confidence that you will need to overcome the shyness that the girl you really like gives you.
Chris says:
August 5th, 2009 at 8:06 am
hey tom,
im a pussy i didnt ask her out or anything i feel like i dont really know her that much but i do wna try to impress her. im really having some issues please reply.
mike says:
August 6th, 2009 at 11:24 am
aye im just a teen around 15 but i got a problem with this chick i really like. at first i didnt really like her dat much untill we actualy became friends and now i cant stop thinking about her and she knows i love her but she dont love me bak but does consider me a close friend and does occasionaly call me cute. and now after reading like all this stuff ive realised ive basicaly stuffed up every thing there is 2 stuff up like i always contact her and i basicaly do every thing for her plz if anything can be salvaged from this tell me maby send it to my email micro_serretta@hotmail.com if any 1 else got any tip email me 2 cuz ill check dat way more then ill check this
tomlove says:
August 6th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
That’s how you get to know her. Just tell her point blank “hey you seem cool I want to get to know you better lets hang out on friday.” I would prefer it if you used the word date instead of hang out that way you both know what it is but if that is too agressive for you just tell her you guys should hang out but you can’t leave it at that you have to get the hangout time and place otherwise it will be forever in limbo.
mike says:
August 6th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
hey man ive stuffed up big time. i like this chick but i didnt like her untill we became friends and now i like he and she knows it but she just thinks of me as a good friend. after reading your tips i realise ive basicaly stuffed every thing up. like i never realy look her in the eye, i always like do wat she wants me to do, i always contact her, i always basicaly do most of the talking
plz if theres anything any 1 can come up with that i can do plz blog it her or send it to my email micro_serretta@hotmail.com (ill check that way more)
mike says:
August 6th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
o.o sry bout the comment being repeated i thought it had randomly disapeared cuz i couldnt c it be4
but thanks for your help ima try dat next time i talk to her thou saddly since she goes to another school ill have to w8 till next tue/wed
mike says:
August 6th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
and btw now we’ve been friends for like over a year or somthin
tomlove says:
August 9th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Mike, don’t worry about it. I know it seems like a big deal when your 15 but you will meet SO many girls as time goes by and you will like MANY of them way more then you like this girl right now.
It’s really tough when she thinks of you as a best friend girls typically don’t like to date good friends in fear that it will mess up their relationship.
If you really want to date her just tell her how you feel. Just know that she is probably going to say no. But that is okay because then you won’t always wonder what would have happened. YOU really have nothing to lose. And there is a slight chance she will say yes.
If she does say no you can also use this as an opportunity to work on your selling skills. Keep eye contact with her to let her know that you are dominant and give her all the reasons why you two should date. When this is done with confidence you can get almost any girl! It takes a long time to master but start practicing.
mike says:
August 9th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
thank man ima start keeping eye contact and stuff and ill give it my best shot asking her out cuz your right i dont really have anything to lose
tomlove says:
August 9th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Good luck. And congrats because the sooner you start getting rejected the sooner you realize it is no big deal and you can cut a lot of the waiting and anticipation by just going for it and if she says no then you can concentrated your efforts on another girl. The bottom line is we don’t want a girl that doesn’t like us so might as well find out as soon as possible.
odiuz says:
August 18th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Hey Tom!
I’ll just get right to the question.
I started at a new school a few days ago and there is a girl in my class that i really like, but since we dont know eachother at all its kinda hard to converse with eachother, and shes always hanging with her friend which kinda blocks you and doesnt give any opportunity to converse either, shes given me those looks you cant tell if its like ”rawr” or ”whatcha looking at?!”.. eheh, need some tips badly!
mike says:
August 21st, 2009 at 2:28 pm
aye me again him i was just thinking when i asked her out she was just like nar i dont really like to go out with my friends and then i was like kinda joking around going aww y is that is it cuz your scared u might lose them as friends and then we was like saying that thats not the reason and then she was saying actualy i dont really know y but still wouldnt go out with me so i was wondering if since it sounds like shes not really sure if she doesnt want to go out with me should i like just keep jokingly asking her out ???
mike says:
August 21st, 2009 at 2:29 pm
and sry for da spelling mistakes im really tired and im about 2 go 2 sleep and the 4 word was supposed to me hmm not him…
Shady says:
August 21st, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Hey Tom, i know this girl from school and she was at one of my friends party last month, i know her name and stuff but like i don’t know what to say to her. We’re kinda friends, we don’t know each other that well and i’d like to get to know her better and stuff. So what should i say to her. It sounds a little weird if i just go up to her and say hey want to meet up somewhere. Any advice here?
tomlove says:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:36 pm
odiuz
From my experience when a chick looks at you that is generally a good sign. If for some weird reason it is what are you looking at you can flip it around being like “I was looking and you trying to figure out why you kept checking me out.” That will put you in the power position and let her know you’re not a wuss.
Back to the question at hand. I don’t really know. I couldn’t get girls when I was in highschool. Dating was all about popularity and I wasn’t popular so it was tough for me til college.
That being said I think a possiblity is to go up to her in her group or not doesn’t matter just own it like it is something your teacher is making you do. “Hey …(whatever her name is) whats your phone number (or email) I have a question to ask you.” If she replies what just say “Im too busy right now and it might take a few minutes just give me your number and I’ll call you tonight.(again you can substitute email address.) If she replies not until I know what it is in regards to, then say “well I guess you’re not gonna find out” THEN WALK AWAY! The mystery will drive her nuts.
The only problem is its high school and rumors FLY so if you get rejected the whole school might know BUT SO WHAT I promise it will make you stronger in the long run.
tomlove says:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:44 pm
MIKE
I didn’t hear her tonality and that could make a difference but it seems like she is probably just not that into you.
If you really like her much more then a friend I would PAUSE the friendship cause it will just end up eating you up. Just stop hanging out with her and if she asks why you can be honest “I have enough female friends I am looking for a girlfriend right now” that might force her to make a move or lose a good friend. Don’t take this option lightly cause you could lose her as a friend but if you like her that much it probably will happen once she starts dating another dude, or you get over her. I would guess though once you had her you would probably be over it quickly cause you are better friends then Boyfriend/Girlfriend.
You could also ask her if she wanted to be friends with benefits (Depending on your age)and that you guys can try things out and explore on each other. And at least get some action while your not dating other people.
Hope this helps Mike and don’t be discouraged some girls will WANT you and SOME WON’T thats just the way it is. Now while you can do some black hat jazz to get girls to like you why? You should want a girl to like you for you and when you find those girls its a lot better then knowing you manipulated them to like you.
tomlove says:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:54 pm
SHADY
DO just that. Dating is weird and awkward, embrace it! Just walk right up to her and ask her what she is doing on a day your free or right then if you are free. Say something like “hey lets go for a walk to … (a close park or something)” If she asks why say I don’t know I thought you seemed cool and I want to know more about you. Like whats your favorite band or color or hobby, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
Or if you are busy right then say “Hey you seem really cool what are you doing Tuesday night lets hang out.” Or give me your number you seem really cool I am intrigued to learn more about what makes you tick.” Or “You baffle me I defiantly would like to get to know you better.”
Just go with it be aggressive and whatever she says don’t let it fluster you know your objective is to get to know her better if she is not responding then you could reply “are you trying to tell me that you are not interested in getting to know me better.” Let her answer. Let her say NO at least you know and you can move on.
Obsessing about a chick that doesn’t want you is pointless because then you just want what you can’t have and then months or years later when you do get her cause you probably will, you will want nothing to do with her once you know you can have her. Your just gonna have to trust me on this one.
But take action getting rejected isn’t nearly as bad as the idea of it and the more you get rejected the better off you’ll be at getting girls when you are in your 20’s.
Shady says:
August 22nd, 2009 at 11:09 am
What do you mean by open-ended questions, what kind of questions?
tomlove says:
August 22nd, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Shady
Open ended questions are questions that require answers that will get them to talk in more depth other then YES or NO. For example What is your favorite thing to do with you spare time and why? How many siblings do you have and what are their names?
You don’t want to just ask how many siblings you have cause the answer could be 2 then you would need to follow that up with what are their names. The point is to ask questions that will keep them talking the less you say the better off you are.
Shady says:
August 22nd, 2009 at 7:02 pm
Hey, Tom i went out with 3 girls tonight and one of them were looking for a boyfriend and about an hour into it she got her friend to say to me that she doesn’t like me in that way. I didn’t really say much to her because her friends were around and it would be awkward, what should i have done?
tomlove says:
August 23rd, 2009 at 1:09 am
I would say to the friend well that’s good because I didn’t like her in that way either. If they already know otherwise then just let it go.
I generally try not to tell friends of girls that I like one of their friends cause they always mess it up. I like to be the one making the moves. The more you play hard to get and unattainable the more they will like you. But women know this trick too and use it much more often but when you do it to them it drives them crazy just be patient. Women usually win the battle because they are infinitely more patient then we are but once you build up that patience and are kind of a dick to girls and act like you don’t care if they like you then they will be all over you.
Shady says:
August 23rd, 2009 at 7:22 am
So i only act like a dick when her friends are around?
tomlove says:
August 23rd, 2009 at 4:56 pm
No and it’s not really being a dick per say. Its more like when you are talking to her you would give her a backhanded compliment or call her a brat or high maintenance or something like that. NOT AROUND HER FRIENDS JUST HER.
As far as her friends are concerned you don’t really want to be a dick but you don’t want to hang out with them too often either. Being mysterious is better then them getting fully formed opinions of you because then they will be like yea he’s nice. And being nice really is the kiss of death. You’re better off them saying yea he seems cool but I don’t really know him.
Scotland says:
August 23rd, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Tom, do you have a girlfriend or are you married?
Shady says:
August 24th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Hey, i know you’re writing the book at the moment so i’ll try and make this quick, above you said to me “just go right up to her and ask her”, not done that yet but you said go to a local park or something. The parks around our area suck and It’ll be kind of boring just walking around and i don’t want her friends or my friends to come with us because i won’t get to talk to her much, so do you have anything that we can do, bowling or any decent activities are about 5 miles away and i doubt we can go there because we’re only 15 and 14. But if her friends to come along as well as my friends what should i do?
devon says:
August 30th, 2009 at 2:44 am
hey tom, there is a girl that sits next to me in class. the first day of school she looks at me a few times during class. the second day she looks at me a few more times again, and i can’t think of any good lines to say when she is. but should i say something when she does look at me???? if so what should i say?
devon says:
August 30th, 2009 at 2:46 am
hey tom, there is a girl that sits next to me in class. the first day of school she looks at me a few times during class. the second day she looks at me a few more times again, and i can’t think of any good lines to say when she is. but should i say something when she does look at me???? if so what should i say?
devon says:
August 30th, 2009 at 4:33 am
oh, and everytime i look at her she smiles, and would it be weird to ask if her to tutor me in math becuase im having a hard time figuring out equations and i see that she’s always the first person to be done with every assignment in class. would it be awkward to ask for some of her time to help me? and how would i ask her at the right time and place in class?
mike says:
August 30th, 2009 at 10:54 am
aye i kinda like this chick from 1 of my classes and we’ve talked a bit but not really but the prob is she basicaly sits on the other side of the class so i was wondering how could i like get her msn and then from there how could i start going out with her???
Taj says:
August 31st, 2009 at 6:18 pm
hi Tom,
Say i spot a girl somewhere and i have never seen her before and i only have a few minutes to strike. how do i approach her and get a date? i can introduce myself but then i cant say you seem cool as i dont even know her so should i give her a compliment and then just get to the point of asking for her number. problem is i think too much about everything and what to say and what not to say and then the opportunity is gone.
i really want to make the effort. any help would be much appreciated.
James says:
September 9th, 2009 at 7:18 am
hey tom, i need some help. im not exactly the talkative type, and all the chicks in my school only like the guys who make them laugh. i’m a friendly guy and all but suck when it comes to the whole humor thing. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!
John C says:
October 14th, 2009 at 1:46 am
Hi,
I would like to ask out this girl. I know she loves fashion and shopping.
I create edgy designs for clothing because I hope to create my own clothing line.
Is there anyway to use any of that as a good first date ?
John
mike says:
October 24th, 2009 at 6:52 am
i think tomlove got like seriously sick or maby died or somthing because i would kinda explain why he isnt answering and its been like 2 months since his last message…
tomlove says:
November 7th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Sorry guys I have been out of town. I am still alive and will be answering all the questions that i recieved it just might take a little bit. Please bare with me.
SCOTLAND
Why Scotland are you asking me out, assuming of course that you’re a girl? I am currently single, seeing 5 girls. Personally I go through phases where I see many girls at a time; the most was 7, which was quite a difficult task to manage my time.
I also go through periods where I want a girlfriend and will date them for a few years, till I realize that it will not work out for the long run.
At some point in time I would like to find the women of my dreams and settle down and have children. Until then though, I try and date and meet as many people as possible till I meet “her.” The one that I can raise a family with and hopefully spend the rest of my life with. But I realize that I have a lot of quirks and very high standards and a lot of AUTOMATIC deal breakers so for me it’s more like not judging, just asking girls out that I think are cute, get to know them and if I feel a special connection with them I keep them in my life until I realize what that means. Unfortunately, so far it has meant that we would be better friends then spouses. All my ex girlfriends are ALL very close friends of mine, but we realized we were better friends then lovers.
I personally believe that life is about relationships and we should meet and bond with as many people as possible. When that certain someone comes along that ROCKS our world we WILL KNOW but if you don’t go out and increase your odds then you may never find that person.
So that’s where I’m at good question. By the way just as an example for those of you that aren’t understanding the “Open Ended Question” thing SCOTLAND’S question was a closed question meaning I could have answered it single, or dating and that would be it. Now if instead she asked “Tom, what’s your current relationship status?” then that would be an open ended question.
tomlove says:
November 7th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Shady
When you are with her and her’s and your friends just pull her aside and be like hey lets go for a walk away from everyone else, I would like to talk to you without all the interruptions.
tomlove says:
November 7th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Mike
AGAIN I must state that I SUCKED at getting girls in High School. It really is a different ball game because there are so many things that influence the normal situation, from hormones to popularity.
If neither of those were present and she was a random stranger then I would just go up to her and say you are very beautiful. WAIT for her to respond. If she doesn’t then say “your supposed to say thank you when someone gives you a compliment.” she should then say thank you and then reply “Give me your number so we can hang out sometime.”
It is very important to assume that she is going to give you her number don’t ask for it! This does several things it makes you look confident and that loads of girls give you their numbers it also subconsciously tells her that she is going to give you her number.
If she says no thank you then you reply “cool just let me know when you change your mind.” again assuming she will change her mind because what girl wouldn’t want to be with you?
Confidence IS HUGE.
tomlove says:
November 8th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Taj
Just cause you just met someone doesn’t mean you can’t say you seem cool. You can just go over to her and be like “you are very pretty.” Wait till she says thank you if she doesn’t say “your suppossed to say thank you.” Then you say “You’re welcome what’s your name.” She will tell you her name and then say “well pretty (HERNAME) where are you from?”
End it quick though get her smiling and then say “you seem cool give me your number we’ll hang out sometime.” Don’t ask just say it. This is kinda similar to Mike’s question read above.
I will give you guys a practical example. I was at the grocery store the other day and I say this possibly cute girl over by the milk. I walked over to see what she looked like and when our eyes met I was taken aback by how pretty she was. I said “wow you are absolutely gorgeous.” It was amazing to watch she actually melted her face turned all red and she was speechless. I then said “your supposed to say thank you when someone gives you a compliment.” She then said thank you and I asked for her name. She gave it to me I asked where she was from and some other small talk. We were really hitting it off for like 2 minutes and then I said I had to go but would love her number so we could get together sometime. She gave it to me and I was out of there before I put my big foot in my mouth.
tomlove says:
November 8th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
John C.
Absolutely, things in common like that are what all great relationships are built on. Ask her to accompany you to a fashion show or something. You could also ask her to model some of your clothes for you.
tomlove says:
November 9th, 2009 at 12:10 am
Devon,
I think asking her to tutor you is a great idea. Just ask her. “hey I notice you’re really good at math and I totally suck and was hoping you might have some free time where you could help me out a bit.”
tomlove says:
November 9th, 2009 at 12:13 am
James,
Girls like funny guys. If you’re not funny don’t worry about it there will be other things you are good at. Or you can work on being funny. EVERYTHING in life is funny. Just start making jokes with your friends or yourself about everything you see. The way people walk, the way they talk, the way they eat. Start being more observant and you will realize ALMOST everything is kinda weird and funny.
mike says:
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:27 am
also when we talk on msn we have no problems with conversations but in real life its like suddenly we havnt got a single thing to talk about
mike says:
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:33 am
o.o i think my message disapeared so any way i asked this girl i like out bowling (is that a gud place 2 go on first d8 for 15yrs?) and she said yea and i was wondering when do u count as being gf/bf is it like once u boh agreed 2 first d8 after the d8 once u know u both like each other? and when to kiss her? and finaly when we talk on say msn we have not problems but in real life its like theres nothing to talk about? wat can i do im hoping the activity will give us somthing to talk about and that because we r alone and ha now she knows i like her that it will be easyer now? and any tips i shud know?
mike says:
January 21st, 2010 at 1:36 pm
im taking her on a second d8 (just 2 an ice cream place)and hopefully ill get a kiss :S im nervous any tip would be great
red says:
January 26th, 2010 at 6:10 pm
what is your opinion on masturbating? if i do it will it lower my urge to get a girl? what are your views?
tomlove says:
February 14th, 2010 at 12:15 am
I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with masturbating. I have been doing it since I was 12. I do think that it does lower ones urge to get a girl a bit but it depends on the person and your age and your sex drive.
mike says:
February 18th, 2010 at 6:27 am
k i got a bit of s problem
ill try make it quick but its kinda complicated. i like this girl i took her out on a date (i did call it a date) (it also sucked shit cuz i had 2 go 2 a movie cuz her mom is a spaz) then i got the feeling she didnt really like me so i told her that and said it would probs be better if we stayed friends ( and it turned out i was right) and now that i told her that i cant stop thinkin about her also recently i found out a girl ive been friends with for a while likes me (she wasnt the one that told me) and ive never had a proper girl friend and i wouldnt mind asking the girl that likes me out cept i dont wanna go out with her when i cant stop thinking about another girl cuz it feels wrong so some help would be GREAT 
mike says:
February 18th, 2010 at 6:35 am
ill try my this quick but its a bit complicated.
i like this 1 chick i took her out on a date (i did always say it was a date and it sucked cuz i was 2 nervous and we had 2 c a movie cuz it was the only thing we cud do)later i got the feeling she didnt really like me(and i was right) so i told her that i that if so it would prob be better if we just stayed friends however after i said this i suddenly couldnt get over her also i recently found out a this chick ive been friends with for ages likes me (she didnt tell me her self i found out another way) and i would ask her out cept i havnt ever gone out with a chick (not including the fail i was just talking about) and also it feels wrong to ask her out when i dont really like her i cant stop thinking about another girl SO I NEED HELP
mike says:
February 18th, 2010 at 6:36 am
wtf sry my internet is gay and i keep thinking my posts disapear which is y i wrote it 2 times sry
Fuji says:
February 20th, 2010 at 11:48 pm
Hey Tom,u get to help me out here. All right here is some basic infor about me. I am a Asian man who attending a university in Cali. There s a white girl I like who in the libary all the time so one day I finallly get the gut to went up to her..she was doing her math hw I help her a little bit and things go smoothly. Then I get her number. Here s the part I need help with should I wai for couple days then call her…if I do then how I ask for a date with her…help out this Asian boy here plz…!
tomlove says:
February 25th, 2010 at 1:25 am
Fuji because you are in college I would actually go with the approach of being friends first. She might have hot friends in case you guys don’t get along. Remember just because a girl is hot does not mean that you would want to date her. See girls KNOW this that is why they blow us off or don’t seem interested or whatever and that makes us want them more. So think about that and think about how you could use that info to your advantage.
I would wait 3-4 days then call her. Talk find out what she likes to do, then invite her to a party or something that you are going to. If you guys are really getting along well on the phone and have TONS of things in common ask her to do go with you to one of the things you have in common.
tomlove says:
February 25th, 2010 at 1:27 am
Mike, the reason you like her more now is because you can’t have her. TRUST me! This happens to me all the time and it drives me nuts because I am aware of it but that doesn’t make the feeling of it go away. The best thing I have found for getting over it is to get on with another girl. PLUS once you have another girl and are less available often times that other girl will notice this and then try to get back in the mix.
Fuji says:
February 27th, 2010 at 5:43 am
Tom…this s wut happen after I did wut u said. I called her on the third day after I get her number; however it goes to her message box. That fact is I didn’t leave her a messaage. I knew I suppose to do that. Well here s the problem should I call her again or should I talk to her face to face.
mike says:
February 27th, 2010 at 11:22 am
it turns out the girl i like (The 1 i took 2 the movies) spent the entire day getting ready for it and she was even asking her friend wat she should wear and so on so maby she did like me i just screwed up on the d8 and i stil really like her so if u got any idea how i cud maby fix it with her or if u really think that its ova with her and i should just try and forget her or somthin then wat should i do? (2 get ova her)
Shady says:
March 7th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
One of my friends is a really dominant guy, he acts like a dick to girls and some guys but he always has stuff to talk about, he doesn’t even look attractive yet he gets all the girls. He doesn’t take any shit from anyone. So how is he getting girls to like him when he acts like a dick towards them ?
Fuji says:
March 7th, 2010 at 7:21 pm
I have friends like that too man. He treat them like shit, but the fact is the girls love it when we give them less attention n pretend to be cool untill we put them on bed. That is something that we can never understand dude!