How to get a girlfriend

Surviving an affair? Fizzling romance is definitely something to worry about. Finding out that you’ve been cheated on is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. It’s very heartbreaking and world-shattering. I’m pretty sure no one would want to be in that shoe. Sadly, given a cheating spouse scenario, today’s media rarely looks at both sides fairly.

The forms and media that do portray the act of betrayal try to wash it aside with either forgiving the guilty party or establishing a cutting of ties, which is not entirely realistic. Such strategies are often more harmful for someone surviving an affair than they are helpful, as they neglect the depth of emotional and psychological damage that has been done.

Loss of Trust
You must overcome the lack of trust in the aftermath of a broken relationship. Apart from the tendency towards self-blame, you may also find it difficult to put your faith in others. The betrayal of a single act of infidelity can make you unwilling or unable to trust anyone else at an emotional level.

Depending on the level of your commitment to the relationship you may also have trouble trusting any other human being including close friends with anything of importance. In your mind, betrayal is merely a hair trigger away and is an inevitable event in any personal relationship.

Trust
Being skeptical and cynical is the usual setback of having your heart broken. There is fear that the other person might hurt you again. If trusting is hard, re-trusting is harder. Likewise, if trust is hard to earn, earning it back is harder. When trust is lost, there’s no guarantee that you can earn it back. It isn’t like money that when you go to work, you get paid. And a love canoe without trust is hard to manage.

Once you’ve been lied to or cheated on, trusting, in the general sense, will come hard for you. There’s a tendency that you might be in constant skepticism of people’s motive and behavior. Doubting even your friends’ words isn’t a blurry possibility. There will come a point wherein you’ll be on defensive mode - always bothered by the thought: should I believe that?

Cause and Effect
Dishonesty can bring a domino effect. The act itself can trigger a lot of unlikely possibilities like a change in the perception, personality and behavior, especially of the loyal party.

Most people just like you experience very rapid changes in their emotional highs and lows, being violent and enraged one moment before shifting into a crushing, near-suicidal depression the next. The mind begins to play multiple rounds of the “blame game,” sometimes blaming the third party, sometimes the cheater and sometimes themselves. This is particularly problematic for people who have a natural tendency to ignore or shut off their emotional responses. Letting these out and working through them, not against them, are important in surviving an affair.

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